Growing Fatherless.

I am jealous of all my friends, cousins, and everyone else in the world who still has someone to call dad or say they even have a "worldly" father. Whether their parents are divorced or split up, they still have a father. There is no getting around that fact. For just about as long as I can remember, I have not been able to say that. Although I could for over four years of my life. People feel bad, or try to comfort me, or they don't care. But just about no one can relate. In reality it is really tough for a girl to grow up without a father. I cannot speak for a man like my brother. Speaking for myself, I hate it. When I think about it my throat feels like it is closing in on me and all my insides are tying together into huge knots. Then I try to cry but the feeling I have stops me. That is one of the weirdest feelings I ever have. It is hard to imagine. That is truly the only time I deal with that (I guess besides one other time). All those areas in life that a young girl must go through while she is coming of age, some of them just need a father involved. A daddy is there to spend quality time with her as she is little (before she becomes a teenager and will be embarrassed to anymore). A daddy is there to guide her through and give advice when she actually enters jr. high and high school as a teenager. A daddy is there to approve of the first guy she brings home and it does not turn out how she planned. A daddy is there to tell her to change her clothes and "cover up" when she comes down stairs in the morning. A daddy is there to prepare her to dance with her date at her senior prom. A daddy is there to accept that she is ready for college after graduating from high school. A daddy is there to miss her as she really begins a new life in college. Most importantly a daddy is there to walk her down the aisle at her wedding and give her away to the love of her life because he knows deep down she is truly ready. A list like this is never ever ending. For me, that is all I can think of. It starts with what I have seen and ends with what I can imagine because I will never be able to say my daddy was there for everything a daddy should. But I can say I imagined it..